jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
