I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
