He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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