your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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