need another drink. this is the easiest way
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
