What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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