Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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