Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
