Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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