What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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