yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
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