No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
