I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
