Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
