I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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