chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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