"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if only i could text you this smell
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
