doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
