It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
