I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
