Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
