Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
