hotel room ftw
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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