Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
