Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
