Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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