you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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