Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
