I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
