Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
