I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
