jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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