Your favorite bartender is back from prision
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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