I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
