it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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