We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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