Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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