I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
