Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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