His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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