Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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