if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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