this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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