I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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