If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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