we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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