Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
barbara walters just said penis...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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