Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You were trust falling into bushes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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