im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
