WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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