How'd it feel making her break her religion?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
