No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
