I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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