i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I currently don't understand fingers.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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