If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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